Uncovering Recovery

Dearest Russell Brand:

About 10 years ago I did Ibogaine to interrupt my heroin/crack/cocaine/nicotine addictions. Little did I know it would also make putting ANYTHING in my mouth that was not whole, healthy, and necessary (even a minimally processed granola bar tasted like poison) impossible. I first got clean at a 12 Step Recovery Center about a decade before, and in the same small town I presently live in. I had spent the time between bouncing between cities and states, bouncing around jails, detoxes, rehabs, and sober living homes, bouncing between women, living for the gym, changing careers constantly, and generally usually insatiable. Immediately upon my return from Mexico and my ibogaine detox people took notice: “You’ve never looked so good, never felt so grounded”. Let alone how full I felt within, friends with 10, 20, and 30 years of Sobriety were intrigued. Iboga was not a word, a plant, a medicine that many–any–were familiar with.

Around this time my sponsor, a man with 28 years of Sobriety at the time (now 38) was going through a difficult and reluctant divorce. He was miserable. He was hurting. Constantly. One night I brought a documentary on Ayahuasca over, as the focus of the piece was a man depressed, newly separated and no longer living with his wife and kids, he was desperate enough to give anything a try. He flew south to try the Brew his doctor, a marvel of a man named Gabor Maté mentioned might help. My sponsor, intrigued by the film, flew south himself. At first he didn’t think much of the trip, of his trip. Everyone around him however did take notice. “You seem well grounded, a kinder, gentler man, not as wound-up as you were. You appear sincere, open, and embracing of everything.” Everyone noticed the change in this once high-strung often fiery “old” man. Once miserably trudging through divorce, he now glided. It still hurt, but he would now see the hurt as resembling growing pains as opposed to death throws. He even upped the financial support he was giving his ex, which was already quite substantial! Within the next year three–THREE–more friends from this tiny fellowship in this small town, all with over a decade of Sobriety, now went to see what new layers of the onion they might unfold. All were changed.. one woman bloomed into consummate artist, employing any medium in sight. Another returned with a glowing smile so infectious his astounded “normie” wife went south as well…. (these substances are not illegal in most countries).

To try and wrap this letter up: It’s a crying shame how NA, a program compiled by a committee of recovering addicts, actually chose the desperate deceitful deadly wisdom of a lying, deceitful, disgrace of an American president, spitting out the work of the deep throat–Tricky Dick Nixon–to align the right and wrong of substances with?!?! REALLY>!!>?? So Cannabis, with it’s myriad of health benefits, was OUT while Nicotine (need I elaborate?) was IN. LSD–which AA founder Bill Wilson was fascinated by, and even gave it to alcoholics, discussing his findings at length with Tim Leary (a friend was executor of the Leary Estate, and had many of these letters) was OUT. Meanwhile Sugar (the deadliest and costliest of ALL drugs combined) was IN. It’s not just a disturbing lie, it’s FUCKING DEADLY. I cannot count the number of friends who’ve come to AA/NA and found it “not for them” primarily because of these lies who DIED. I can however count the number of friends who I’ve seen come to and stick around the NA rooms, alive and still in the program. (Many of those that do stick around and thrive MET SOMEONE and fell in the neurological soup of pleasurable chemicals called LOVE. The “no relationship for a year” dogma is dog shit.) Correlating what makes up ones “sobriety”, ones sanity, with Nixons Drug Scheduling is deceitful and deadly. The exclusion of those in need, The hierarchy of those who don’t care except to say “it works for me”. Although not a big fan of either methadone or buprenorphine and the affect deadening quality which often develop after years on these medications, I was MORE repulsed by the NA pamphlet relegating those needing these medicines to role of mere “viewer”. One cannot celebrate their successes in life while on these substances. One cannot even share in a meeting. Why? Because some lifelong bottom feeders have now joined the ranks of “productive members of society” A society of constant competition. A society which places the value of dirty green paper// social status over Life. A profoundly sick society.

I hope you avail yourself this most miraculous of medicines, even more so though, I hope the greater NA community stops the fucking killing, “We recover on the bones of others” is the single most disgusting phrase ever uttered… We recover supported by and surrounded by the bones of others holding us up when we haven’t the strength to hold ourselves.

Belief Drops Bombs. Knowledge Reigns Supreme. ALL LOVE, Be~.



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